Feeling Helpless!

Today I had lunch with an old friend of mine, she was someone I used to work with and thought very highly of, still do in fact. She is the latest person I heard of getting the luck of the draw or unluck of the draw and was laid off (from what I thought would be my fall back job if I got desperate enough to deal with a certain someone again) and I feel for her and want to help her because I know exactly how she is feeling, and although I had the love and support of everyone around me I still had to go through all the stages of grief on my own. Another very important someone in my life is waiting on an important email or phone call and its breaking my heart not to be able to make her feel better, she has my heart all of it and I just keep searching my head to find some words that will just make her know it will all be OK!

I hate this weather it always makes me feel like crap, I just want the sun to come out and help me to feel better instead of Feeling Helpless.

Just Because

Vacumm cleaner store!

So today... I spent my day driving around south philly running errands for my mother. It was pretty mundane things such as postoffice, the bank, the food store, and the pharmacy.

There was one interesting stop that was the vacuum cleaner store. I walk into the store and a man with a very interesting hairdo ( mullet) greets me and that's all fine except it prompted me to wonder how does one break into the vacuum cleaner fixing buisness, was it his fathers and he was forced? Was it what he always wanted to do as a little boy? Or is this where he is stuck? Either way alot of useless things can go through your head when the man with the buisness up front party in the back changed my belt and cleaned and lubed me (how he put it) and while all this was going on I thought I would actually write in my blog today about my random thoughts....

Why is the guy who sells the stamps not forced to tuck in his shirt? Why does everyone in South Philly call each other babe or hon? Oh crap my car is being weird again! I need to hurry and put my pin in so that the cashier dude in target gets a G and not an R! It sucks that my anniversary is on a Monday and I won't even get to see nora! Why won't the man at the vacuum place get a real haircut! Oh look the make your own wine place is right next door to the vacuum cleaner place I should tell biff to tell her Dad! Friends really was the best f'in show ever on TV. You get the picture I'm boring myself now LOL could this blog BE any more pointless -chandler

Love me

2009

Well here we are starting another year!

Im determined to make this one a great one, im tired of the struggle so im gonna think positive and march on.

So far 2009 has been interesting

There was shower curtain ripping, weird vibes, violin playing, and me quitting smoking.

The most important is me quitting smoking and at about 11:00 pm tonight I will be one week smoke free. It has not been easy believe me there was even an ugly there is still a little bit I can smoke on this butt in my ash tray moment but im still hangin in. I just heard that the strongest tree in the Forest can withstand the strongest winds and right now I need to be the strongest tree.

All I can think about right now is Brocoli and Chicken and some wonton soup I think that is better than Nicotine.

How did I come from him?

So I called a certain someone to find out about getting a tune up for tomorrow which is (Election Day) and I had to sit and listen to someone go on to me about how he is not going to vote for a baby killer (like roe v wade could be overturned by McCain) and don't get me wrong I am not pro kill babies but I stand by rape and incest to "kill babies" and lets not forget that I was also told to go out and buy a gun for when all the N-words take over the world. This someone also went into Universal Healthcare and how we are not a socialist country and it could never be done. Soooo I ask the questions How did I come from him? and How is that teaching me a be a good human to love others and not judge? He himself is a baby killer cause I felt a small part of me die and since I was once a baby of this someone how how how does his blood run through my veins? THANK GOD I DIDNT BRING UP GAY MARRIAGE.


SO WITH ALL THAT BEING SAID I SAY GOOOOOO BARACK Prove him wrong!  At least my Vote will cancel his dumb ass!

Im just tired!

Yesterday I had to force myself to study and do all the things that I am being forced to do (like pointless didn't teach me anything lessons) and I'm just so tired. I am tired of my life as it were 30 years and nothing has been easy its always a struggle and frankly I'm tired of it. I still feel really off about the whole stepping away from a friendship that was bad anyway but there being no closure. I am tired of not getting to see the one thing that is easy in my life every day. School is wearing me down and this is only week six the best is yet to come. People around me with the exception of a few tire me out as well, its just too much of a waste of my time to try and hold onto relationships that are just not worth it. I will never sign up to do 12 hours of classes in one day again that's for sure. Please let something go easy for once oh yea and I'm definitely getting sick Happy happy joy joy.

Life as it were

I seem to spend each day attempting to figure it out! What did she mean by that? Why should I study psychology? Why does she always seem to get mad at me when other people in my life do not? How come Unemployment is so slow? Should I take a job that is an hour away and will pay me next to nothing and I will work for my gas? What should I have for dinner?

All these things go through my head on a regular basis and my brain is so tired from trying to figure it out. I am a spit in bucket away from thirty, starting over again in college and just so tired that I don't have much energy for anything.

Oh Furty Furty look who's Thirty